I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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