If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
