This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
