one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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