So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
