Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
