I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
last night I used snow as a chaser
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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