Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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