it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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