I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
