Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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