please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
