how hairy? two words: wookie tits
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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