his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
