Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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