Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
