Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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