He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
