i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
