i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
