i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
