Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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