The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love accidental penises.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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