What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
