I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
