my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
