4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
soo... how was my night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
