He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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