Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
