There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
