I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
