Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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