I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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