oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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