Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
