just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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