I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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