so that wasnt chicken after all
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
