? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
