come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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