I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
