I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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