just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
