Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
