Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
