I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
