You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
