How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
