I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
