I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
